yeah, I'm still around. but it's been so long that I've decided to start fresh.

be warned that I don't draw the same stuff as I used to, although I will be posting some Dir en grey related art every now and then so you might want to check it out.

yeah i haven't been drawing a lot. i think i'm too happy to draw, idk lol.

im also really busy D:

SORRY GUYS DONT HATE ME I LOVE YOU

Mmmmm hey guys.
What's up. Just felt like updating since I haven't in like OVER TEN DAYS OMIGOD. And I'm randomly using proper capitalization, I don't know. It's about 2AM so that probably has something to do with it.

Anyway I saw Donnie Darko for the first time the other day and now I'm like omg I love this movie ;o; People have been telling me to watch it for years because it's my kind of movie apparently, so I did and it's awesome ahaha. I'm drawing a picture of Frank right now because I'm a massive dork.

In other news I ordered a remote control godzilla that walks and lights up and roars :> He should be here on Thursday ahaha.

So I guess that's it. This was a very unproductive journal update ahaha. I'm going to bed. e_e

yeah i know i don't update a lot.
but i have vacation all this coming week soooo. exciting.
and i'm feeling very productive hooray.
it'll probably be mostly my characters like Reznor, Raisa etc... idk i've just felt like drawing them lately and i've decided to forget about what i -should- be drawing and just draw what i want to draw.
also i might consider doing some art trades over the break maybe. idk yet.

I don't know
my belly hurts D:

if you never read my journals at least read this one lol.

okay so i know if you're watching me, chances are it's for my Dir en grey art and i know i haven't been doing a lot of that lately and i'm sorry. i love them and everything but as of late they haven't been inspiring much in the way of art for me. i feel really guilty about it because i know that's why you guys even look at my stuff so... i'm sorry. i feel like i'm kind of moving away from that, i mean of course i still love Dir en grey and jrock but i'm not as obsessed as i was and just feel like to improve my art i need to do other things... i guess.

so anyway basically i just wanted to say that i'm sorry and that i hope you guys will continue to watch me anyway and maybe look at the non-jrock stuff that i've been doing/will be doing. and thanks for all the support and everything that you guys have always given me, i know i'm a douche about replying to comments (i hardly ever do...) but i really do appreciate it. i just never really know what to say back lol. plus i'm only allowed online on weekends so i don't get a lot of time on here.

TL;DR I'M A DOUCHEBAG AND IM SRY

SUP DAWG. WE HEARD YOU LIKE SARAH PALIN, SO WE PUT ALASKA IN YO CAR SO YOU CAN SEE RUSSIA WHILE YOU DRIVE.

WORD

merry christmas and whatnot
i'm trying to draw more and stuff. so maybe some uploads over my christmas vacation. i've been really tired and not feeling well lately so i havent really been online or replying to comments, i'm sorry. i'm still alive though.
love you guys

and oh my it's my third anniversary at dA. would you look at that.

i'm a sheep

also i went to the doctor today and i was diagnosed with lupus?
it sounds like im going to turn into a werewolf or something haha.
christmas vacation is coming up so i'll be online then.
toodles

Okay, so basically what happened is I wanted all three shirts and accidentally got two of the same (and didn't get the one I wanted!) so I'm selling one of the ones I have two of.

Here's a picture of it:
[link]
(I didn't take the picture btw. but it's the same shirt)

It's a size small and I'm selling it for $30 (that's what I bought it for).

Lemme know if you're interested, I don't really have a preference as to how you pay.

sorry guys, it's sold! thanks though

all in all I would have to say that the NYC show has left me a little... dissapointed. I don't know. It did. I'm sure after I've had time to think about it more I'll be happier about it but it just kind of left a bad taste in my mouth, you know?

Before I begin let me just say that I have absolutely nothing against pushing, moshing, or pits at concerts... It's just what you do. I do it too. So that's definitely NOT my issue.

But I don't think I've ever been to a concert (including Inward Scream) where the people were so bitchy and vicious. I was about third row, and before the show even started I had people elbowing me in the ribs and yelling at me and trying to beat me out of the way. And as I said I don't mind pushing, everybody wants to get closer and I understand that. But there's a difference between the fun 'everyone's here for the same thing, let's do some friendly pushing' pushing (if that makes sense) and the vicious 'let's  violently beat the shit out of this girl so we can get her out of the way and be one inch closer to Kyo omgomgomg!!' before the opening band even fucking STARTS. I had people behind me saying 'this kid's small, let's target him' (I get mistaken for a boy a lot >.< ). I mean wtf lol. The whole fucking show I had to worry about getting the shit beat out of me by people on every side of me because I am small in comparison with most of the people that were around me. And the difference here is that at most shows there's pushing in the front, yeah... but it's not so... vicious. I keep using that word but it's really the only word to describe it lol. It's like, I'm trying to fucking concentrate on the band and have a good time, and I've got people pulling me by the fucking hair (purposely, I don't care if it happens on accident) and putting their arms around my fucking waist and pulling me backwards so that their friend can try to squeeze in front of me. Wtf? All in all I've got nothing against a little friendly competition in the front but it was ridiculous, to the point where I had to worry more about that than about the band. And I thought about getting out a few times, but I don't think I could if I wanted to.

And then there's the people in the first two rows who're bitching 'STOP PUSHING OMG STOP TOUCHING ME!'. Seriously. Have you ever been to a fucking concert? And do you realize that it isn't me pushing you, it's the WHOLE FUCKING CROWD BEHIND ME PRESSED UP AGAINST ME? What would you like me to do about it? I'd appreciate it if you'd stop yelling at me 'BITCH STOP TOUCHING ME' and elbowing me in the face. It's not like I can fucking go anywhere. And seriously, who the fuck PUTS THEIR HANDS AGAINST THE RAIL AND PUSHES BACK. What the fuck is that going to do, except push ME backwards, piss off everyone behind me so that they push forward even HARDER, and end up FUCKING CRUSHING ME IN THE MIDDLE. WHY. In conclusion, IF YOU DON'T LIKE PUSHING DON'T BE IN THE FIRST ROWS!

So basically I don't remember a lot about the actual show, more about the assholes in the crowd. Which is sad and it pisses me off. I mean, at most shows everyone's there for the same things so there's a cool general attitude you know? Like there's some shoving but it's cool. But I've never been to a show where the general attitude was so bitchy and me-first and selfish and downright mean. Seriously, it was like everyone thought that everyone else was out to get them or something? I don't know. Maybe I just ended up in a bad spot. Anyway, if/when Dir en grey comes around again I'm pretty sure I'm just going to stand in the back or the balcony or something. I didn't get to enjoy the show so it wasn't worth it.

And what I do remember about the band was okay. I mean, they played pretty much the same stuff they played here last year... It gets a little old after a while. I mean, the staple songs with a lot of crowd interaction (The IIID Empire, Grief, etc) don't really get old but a lot of it was just tired. The high points were when they played Toguro and Gaika, which were amazing live. Dozing Green was... I don't know, mediocre? It was okay. But overall they had a lot more energy compared to IS and Deftones tour, so it was good. I didn't see Kaoru once the whole time but the rest of them looked pretty happy. Toshiya's hair is actually pretty hot in person ahaha.

And yes, they did the meet-and-greets, and yes, Kyo was there. It wasn't anything special though, you get herded through like a sheep and they each sign your CD (and you get the option for a handshake which I didn't take because I was tired and nervous and shaky ahaha.) and you get to glance at them for about .5 seconds while the security is yelling at you to keep moving. Toshiya was really cute and said 'hi' to everyone and smiled and waved and stuff, and Die was speaking japanese ahaha. Shinya was quiet and Kaoru seemed really bored and annoyed. Kyo was the last one and after he signed my CD and handed it back I said 'thank you' (which I said to all of them lol) and he snorted and rolled his eyes and I was like oh. Okay. Generally except for Toshiya they seemed like they didn't want to be there and the whole thing had me feeling like I was a sheep being pushed through a corporate slaughterhouse. The Hot Topic banners everywhere didn't really help. Then again I don't know what I was expecting.

tl;dr - there were WAY more bitchy fans this year and they were 10x more vicious, I don't remember a lot of the actual band, the signing was eh.

PS - does anyone actually get what I'm saying about pushing etc at normal shows vs Dir en grey shows? Or is this all in my head. Honestly I think the majority of Dir en grey fans don't go to a lot of concerts.

oh,
and the Human Abstract sucks.